Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
