I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
