Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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