Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
