Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
