NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
