Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
