Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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