You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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