My Higher Power is John Stamos
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
