I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
