im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
