so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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