its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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