it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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