Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
