she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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