am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
