I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
