i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
