Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
