I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
