Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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