I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
