He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
