and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
