I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize