I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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