plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
