He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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