Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
