College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
