why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
