People in love make me want to vomit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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