How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
