Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
