Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
