No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
