So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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