She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
