If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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