Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
did i walk over a car last night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
