I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
