My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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