Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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