My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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