lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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