Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
