Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
