i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
