She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
