He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
