Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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