I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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