Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
