2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
