When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
