The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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