Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
