i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
