i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
