is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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