She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
