having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
