Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
