drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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