so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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