She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
