Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
