I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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