I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
