Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
