I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's just like the Real World with babies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
