Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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