Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just high enough for therapy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
