As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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