Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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