roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
