That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
