Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
