I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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