At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
