haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
